7 tips for handling a mean manager

Michelle Ward has worked for a slew of mean managers in her career. One of the most notable, she says, was a bully. "The better you did your work, the more he'd verbally abuse you," she recalls. The second was when she was an assistant to an executive who made her unpack five boxes -- which she had spent all day packing -- so he could have diet orange soda when he came into the office that night.

But Ward, now a career coach, says that dealing with these types of managers came down to one thing: standing up for herself.

"By standing up for myself and/or not engaging, it allowed me to keep my self-confidence up, regardless. It didn't make it an unemotional situation and it didn't make me enjoy working there, but it felt better for me than taking his [abuse]," she says.

When it comes to managers, there are many personality types to deal with -- demanding,  micromanaging, hands-off or even relaxed. But perhaps the worst kind of manager to deal with is one who is downright evil.

Bosses are mean to their employees for many reasons. Don Hurzeler, author of "The Way Up: How to Keep Your Career Moving in the Right Direction," says one is reason is that people imitate the behaviors they experienced early on in their own careers. 

"If someone is new in the business, impressionable and sees their boss manage by intimidation and by being a bully, they may think that is the way to be when they become a boss," he says.

Some mean managers may not be confident in their own abilities to manage, he adds.

"To cover up the fact that they have a poor self-image and poor management communicationskills, they become that mean dictator that no one dare question," he says.

Some mean bosses will tell you that they're nasty because they have high standards, but that's just an excuse, says Kathi Elster, president of K Squared Enterprises, an executive coaching firm, and author of "Working With You Is Killing Me" and "Working for You Isn't Working for Me."

"The real reason that a boss feels they can be mean to their employees is because they are unhappy with their own situation at work. Let's face it, being the boss means that you are in a power position and have control over those who report to you, and it can be tempting to take out your own disappointment on those in a weaker position."

It's important to note, however, that there's a difference between a boss who is perceived as mean because he is tough and a boss who is mean because he is a bully, says Treivor Branch, author of "The Drama-Free Workweek" and CEO of The Branch Solution LLC, a workplace issues and conflict resolution consultancy.

"A bully enjoys belittling and berating employees to cover up their own insecurities. The bully may scream, yell or humiliate employees to make them feel incompetent and fails to recognize or reward good work," he says. "A boss who is simply tough has high standards of excellence, but at the same time recognizes and rewards employees for good work."

Doing good work might be hard in a toxic work environment. While some employees may be able to perform effectively under a mean boss, more will crumble under the consistent pressure of trying to meet the demands of mean, unreasonable boss, Branch says. And that makes for less productivity, which is not good in today's work climate.

"Employees perform best in a happy, healthy work environment. Fewer workers taking on greater responsibilities is already a recipe for disaster. Now, add mean or spiteful bosses; employee stress shoots through the roof, thus impacting their ability to effectively complete even mundane tasks," he says. "Bosses who are mean will eventually experience a decrease in employee commitment, a rise in errors and poor work quality, as well as increased interpersonal conflicts and team dysfunction."

If you have an evil boss, here are seven tips from Branch and Hurzeler:

1. Make the distinction.

"Make sure you have not confused 'demanding" with 'mean.' There are lots of demanding bosses out there, who demand you do the job you are paid to do. If you are not qualified to do that job or cannot do the job for some reason, the problem is actually yours. What might sound mean to you is probably just the facts being placed before you. Suspect yourself and do all you can to deliver as required on your job," Hurzeler says. "If you have delivered on time and as promised, and the boss is still mean to you, sit down and talk to the boss. Maybe you have missed the point of his or her ineffective behavior, or maybe you do have room for improvement. The boss will learn of the negative effect that they are having on you and may work to change his or her ways. If you don't bring up your grievances in a clear and constructive way, nothing will ever change."

2. Take a break.

"Working for a mean or bully boss can be one of the top stressors in the workplace and can cause severe stress-related health problems. In view of this, it is essential for employees to take a stress break when they are confronted with a mean or bully boss. Take time off from work for at least a week and be sure to visit your doctor during this time," Branch says.

3. Don't shut down.

"If you fold up under the pressure of a mean boss, the boss is then given the sword to take you out of the game. The mean boss wins and you lose," Hurzeler says. "Bring your best game to work every single day and you will outlast or win over the mean boss. You win.  Mean loses."

4. Document

"Employees should begin to document the mean boss's behavior. Make note of negative actions taken by the boss and how they are impacting employee productivity. Include details such as dates, times, specifics of the mean boss behavior and employees targeted. Include what attempts, if any, were made by you or other employees to address the situation and the outcome of such interventions," Branch says.

5. Constructively confront

"Meet with the mean boss to address your concerns. Keep your emotions intact. Do not scream, yell or become aggressive. Keep your tone calm and even. Be careful not to point the finger or focus on the individual, but rather seek to understand and resolve any concerns the boss may have which lead to the mean behavior. Ask open-ended questions. Ask how you can better support the boss," Branch says.

6. Report the boss

"Make your human resources department aware of the situation, especially if the situation escalates following your discussion with the boss. Be sure to present your documentation. In addition, you may want to contact an attorney as some of the boss's actions may violate laws regarding hostile work environments and may be eligible for legal action," Branch says.

7. Plan your exit

"The negative impact of working with a mean boss is too great. If you are in a situation where you work for a mean or spiteful boss, plan your exit. Update your résumé and begin circulating it internally and externally," Branch says. "Work your network to learn about unadvertised opportunities in other areas of the company or at another company. No employee should have to work in a mentally, emotionally and, in some instances, physically debilitating environment."

The 7 Dirty Tricks That Bosses Play (and How to Cope)

This post is based on an ancient, dog-eared, xeroxed document that I recently discovered in the bottom drawer of the desk of a middle manager who died of a sudden ailment.

That document, which had clearly been passed from hand to hand for decades, contained seven secret ways to get employees to do what they’d rather not do, without the hassle of paying them more.

The document was stamped — in red letters — with the words “DO NOT REPRODUCE” and “FOR MANAGEMENT EYES ONLY.” Even so, I have decided, at vast risk to my career and life, to post its contents for all to see.

Fortunately, the document also contained (in the form of warnings to the boss) advice on how a smart employee can overcome the trick and even play it to advantage.  So get ready to have your eyes opened, and learn how to make sure your boss doesn’t play you like a used accordion.

Method #1: The Development Opportunity

• The Problem: You need an employee to take on an unpleasant assignment that he would normally avoid like the proverbial plague.
• The Solution: Turn the onerous task into a “development opportunity.”  It’s easy!  Explain that doing the awful job will increase the employee’s value to the company and enhance long term career prospects.  Paint a rosy picture of how impressive the project will look on the employee’s record and resume.
• Helpful Hint: If you position the donkey-work effectively, the employee may actually feel grateful towards you… an emotion that you can later use to extract further concessions!
• WARNING: If the employee in question is savvy, he’ll be suspicious the moment use the term “development opportunity.”  He’ll ignore your blandishments and look at the intended work with a jaundiced eye and refuse to do it. If you force him, though, get ready for trouble, because he’ll insist that he can only pursue the “development opportunity” at the expense of other projects that are just as (or more) important.  If this happens, you’re probably better off letting the employee off the hook and assigning the “opportunity” elsewhere.

Method #2: The Sacrificial Lamb

• The Problem: You’ve got an important meeting where you want to float a controversial idea, but don’t want to get shot down by your peers or your own management.
• The Solution: Find an employee who is ambitious but a bit insecure.  Ask her to present at the big meeting, positioning it as way for her to “gain some visibility” with upper management.  Help her prepare her slides, and neatly insert the controversial proposal so that it looks as if it is her idea. In fact, convince her to “own” the idea.  Then, if the excrement hits the fan, the odium gets blown on her, not on you.
• Helpful Hint: If the lamb gets shot down, act surprised that she presented such nonsense and apologetic for bringing her to the meeting.  However, if by chance the proposal gets kudos rather than brickbats, immediately insert yourself into the presentation and make it clear that it was your idea all along.
• WARNING: A smart employee may accept the invitation, but will refuse to be sacrificed.  Instead, she’ll establish that YOU are the source of the controversial proposal and insist that YOU answer any questions about it.  What’s worse, your top management will probably “get” what just happened… and consider your employee to be clever and savvy for not letting herself be sacrificed.

Method #3: The Rock Fetch

• The Problem: Your employee is pressuring you to make a decision that you don’t want to make.  For example, an employee has a pet project which, if approved, might raise his visibility to the point where it threatens your own.  But if you don’t approve it, the employee may get pissed off and try to leave his job.
• The Solution: Explain that you definitely plan on making a decision shortly, but before you do, you need some “additional information”, preferably something that will take a long time to gather.  When the employee finally brings the requested data, ask for more informaiton, or for buy-in from somebody off-site, or for a detailed analysis, or whatever…
• Helpful Hint: Pour on the praise every time something is correctly fetched.  Think of the employee as a being like a dog who runs off and fetches things and then returns, panting, for a nice pat on the head.
• WARNING: An employee who’s wise to this ploy will be aware, from the start, that a decision isn’t going to be made, no matter how many rocks he fetches. He’ll try to bring matters to a head by insisting that he needs a decision now, and that, if a decision can’t be made right now, he’ll assume it’s “no.”  Then you’re stuck, because he’s forcing the decision that you’d rather not make.

Method #4: Promising the Moon

• The Problem: You’ve got a valuable employee that you’re afraid of losing, but can’t pay what she’s worth.  What’s worse, she knowsshe’s a valuable employee (uh oh!) and is beginning to see the disparity between the value she provides and the reward she gets.
• The Solution: Management is all about having a vision, right?  So you need to create a vision in that employee’s mind of a future where she’ll get all the wonderful things she deserves.
• Helpful Hint: Your vision must be free of actual commitments, details, and timelines, but short of that, feel free to make whatever vague, wonderful-sounding promises you think will keep her happily working away for the peanuts you’re paying her.
• WARNING: A perceptive employee will try to pin you down on details. When you make vague promises of a bigger salary, for example, she’ll want to know exactly how much and when her salary will change.  If you say that you can’t make specific commitments, she’ll realize that unless you’re willing to talk specifics, nothing is going to change. In that case, she’ll probably start making future career plans based on the (entirely true) assumption that you were just making it all up anyway.  Which you were, of course.

Method #5: The Boogie Man

• The Problem: You understandably want your employees to work longer hours for less pay. However, you’re afraid they might leave for another job if you ask them to do so.
• The Solution: Keep them in a state of constant fear.  Distribute any and all articles you can find about high unemployment and the bad economy.  At every employee meeting hint at the possibility of a layoff… by denying that a layoff is imminent!  (It works!) Purchase a copy of “The Black Book of Outsourcing” and leave it on your desk where your employees will notice it.
• Helpful Hint: Long term, be sure to support political candidates that are against universal healthcare, because God knows the last thing you want is for your employees to have health insurance if they dare to leave your company.
• WARNING: Intelligent employees will figure out right away that you’re simply trying to amp up the level of unreasoning fear.  Worst case, they may start to wonder why you’re attempting to manipulate them in this way.  After all, why else would you bother, if things were really as bad as all that? Chances are they’ll start networking to find a new job. Of course, the rest of the dunderheads will remain quaking in their office chairs.

Method #6: The Professionalism Ploy

• The Problem: You need employees to work 50 or 60 hours a week but you only want to pay them for 40 hours a week.
• The Solution: Convince your employees that they’re “professionals” and therefore are expected to put in long hours.  Even if they’re doing rote office work, or your customers are paying by the hour for their services, make certain that employees think that they’re like lawyers or doctors, rather than workers who’d probably be much better off if they formed a labor union and demanded paid overtime.  Think of it this way: getting your employees to work an extra 20 hours a week is like increasing your staff by 50%… without costing you a thin dime!
• Helpful Hint: Always position the demands for unpaid overtime in the context of a “competitive threat”.  Makes sure they know that the extra hours are “standard practice” in your industry, as if that somehow makes it OK to steal time from people’s lives and turn it into profit margin.
• WARNING: Some employees know enough about the world to realize that, unless you’re a doctor or a lawyer who owns his own practice, you ARE NOT A PROFESSIONAL.  They realize that they’re being paid to do a job, and that their actual salary is the money they make, divided by the hours they spend to make it.  They will feel that, since you are insisting on unpaid overtime, they have the right to reclaim some portion of their personal lives.  They’ll make personal calls at work; take long lunches, etc., because, frankly, they feel you owe it to them.  Which, of course, you do.

Method #7: The Tied Hands

• The Problem: You have to power to give your employee something that she wants, but would prefer not to give it to her. Example: he wants and deserves a big raise, but you’d rather keep the bulk of the yearly salary increase for yourself, or for somebody you like better that the employee in question.
• The Solution: Pretend that your hands are tied. Cite vague, unknown forces (e.g. “our salary guidelines for this year”) that prevent you from doing what you’d “really love to do if you  could.”  If that doesn’t work, cite your own boss as the “bad cop” who won’t play along.  (e.g. “Bill says we have to tighten our belts this year and I can’t possibly confront him without possibly using my job.”)
• Helpful Hint: Be as vague as possible, because (after all), it’s hard to pin jello to the wall.
• WARNING: Even if you’re vague, your employee, if he’s smart, will demand the truth, in the guise of wanting to understand the situation more clearly.  He’ll ask to see the salary guidelines in writing, for instance. Or he’ll ask exactly what the big boss said to you. Or he’ll demand to speak to the HR group.  Or whatever.  If that happens, you may end up truly helpless… when it comes to stopping him from getting his way.

5 Ways To Secretly Manipulate Your Boss

Yesterday, I posted a gallery explaining how to manage your manager.  It was full of good advice for people who to get ahead by playing fair and being helpful.  However, there are many cases (like when your boss is a horse’s rear end) that the system in that gallery doesn’t work.  That’s the reason for this present post.

This post contains the top 5 ways that political players in the corporate world manipulate their bosses to make the “right” decisions — meaning the decisions that the players want them to make.  I fully realize that publishing these methods is a little like publishing the plans to an atomic bomb.

So if you’re going to try these methods in your career, try to remember that 1) knowledge is power and 2) with great power comes great responsibility.  Use these techniques sparingly, if at all.

METHOD #1:
Hijack Your Manager’s Meetings

• Why You’d Do It: To create consensus for a decision that’s favorable to you.
• How You Do It: Convince your boss that the meeting should include as many as your own friends and allies as possible.  Prep them up to support your ideas.  When the meeting starts, volunteer to take minutes. When the meeting is over, send an immediate follow-up email that frames the minutes of the meeting so that it seems like consensus was reached on the decision that you wanted.
• What Usually Happens: Regardless of what actually took place at the meeting, attendees (and, of course, non-attendees) will reframe their memory to fit how you characterized the meeting.
• Warning: Give lip-service to other points of view or your email might appear biased.
• Helpful Hint: Use weasel words so that you have wiggle room if somebody accuses you of mischaracterizing the thrust of meeting.  Examples: “…the general sense in the room was that…” or “…many alternatives were discussed, but the most attention was given to…” or “…there was no substantial objections to the idea…”
• Tales from the Front: Back when I was a mid-level cubicle dweller, the team I worked for (marketing) did this regularly to meetings held by the head of engineering, for whom we nominally worked at the time. Somehow every meeting that was supposed to discuss product features turned into a discussion of how we needed more money for market research.  Eventually the engineers figured it out and started keeping their meetings secret.  By the way, lest you think that we were impeding progress, the engineering manager in question had 800 programmers working for him, none of which were producing a single line of single line of useful code.  So wasting his time was probably, on balance, a good thing.

METHOD #2:
Bury Crucial Information in a Long Report

• Why You’d Do It: To create plausible deniability that you’ve properly informed the boss.
• How You Do It: Find the longest, most boring report you can find that’s peripherally related to your issue. Add, a few pages from the end, the fact you want to bury. Then send the report to your boss as an attachment to an email titled “FYI.”
• What Usually Happens: If your boss even opens the document, he’ll glance over it and put it aside. If, after he makes the decision that you wanted, he complains that he’d decided differently if he’d been better informed, you point out that you provided that information in the report and assumed that the co-worker had read it.
• Warning: If your co-worker actually finds the bit of information, you can’t show any surprise, or he’ll know you were trying to set him up.
• Hint: Start the title of the report with the phrase “In Depth Analysis of…”
• Tales from the Front: This particular type of manipulation is particularly rampant in corporate bureaucracies where plausible deniability is a way of life.  Once saw a manager bury an important fact so deep (and worded so obscurely) that the CEO never figured out that they were paying hundreds of millions of dollars to attack a market segmentation that, technically speaking, was entirely fictional.

METHOD #3:
Force a Decision Through the Illusion of Choice

• Why You’d Do It: To ensure that your boss will make the decision that you want made.
• How You Do It: Prepare a set of three possible approaches to solving a problem. Make certain that two of the approaches, while plausible on the surface, are non-starters. For example, one might put the boss’s job position at risk, while the other would make everyone in the department threaten to quit.  The third choice, of course, is the one actually you want the boss to make.
• What Usually Happens: Your boss looks at the three recommendations, thanks you for being so thorough, and then selects the only viable option.
• Warning: If you don’t make the two bad choices plausible enough, your boss might realize what you’re doing.
• Hint: Characterize the two bogus decisions as “courageous.” That will scare the pants off any boss who wants to keep his job.
• Tales from the Front: Have I used this one in real life? You betcha! You’d think that managers would get wise to this one, but I swear it’s worked for me at least half-a-dozen times… and with managers who were otherwise pretty darn smart.  The trick, of course, is to make sure that the bad choices are just within the realm of plausibility.  You leave the part that backfires out (for the manager to figure out on his own, or with a little prompting from you.)

METHOD #4:
Create the Impression that You’re Overworked

• Why You’d Do It: To dodge assignments that you really don’t want.
• How You Do It: Glue a frazzled expression on your face. Never go anywhere without holding a huge stack of papers. Walk quickly and purposefully, like you’re on a mission, even when you’re just going to the restroom. When asked “how are you?” always roll your eyes and say something like: “I’m working my **s off.” Sign yourself up to attend dozens of meetings, but be “too busy” to actually attend all of them. You get the idea.
• What Usually Happens: You get a reputation for being a hard-worker and everyone feels a little sorry for you. Your boss, knowing that you’re “stress to the max” will give the difficult assignments to somebody else.
• Warning: This only works in organizations where activity is valued over accomplishment. If there are measurable goals, you’re screwed.
• Hint: Never, ever, ever clean your office, but constantly shuffle the papers around so it looks like you’re getting things done.
• Tales from the Front: This technique sort of falls into the category of “oh, come on, that wouldn’t work,” but I swear I saw two people use this method to avoid work for over FIVE YEARS.  One of them was so good at it that he managed to keep getting promoted.  I remember him because the only presentation I ever saw him give featured a page copied from a zoology textbook showing different kinds of rat poop. (His message: “in business you must differentiate between the huge rat s*** and the smaller varieties of the same.”)  I kid you not, this was the sum total of this guy’s contribution, even though his salary was well into six figures.

METHOD #5:
Provide destructive feedback at exactly the wrong time

• Why You’d Do It: To make sure that your boss fails when it’s to your advantage for him to do so. (E.g. he’s pitching an idea to top management that will create more work for you.)
• How You Do It: Stockpile information that will throw your boss off his game. Then, right before the big meeting, provide that information under the guise of being helpful. Example: “I just think you should know that the rumor mill says that the CEO was profoundly unhappy with your work. So go in there and knock ‘em dead!”
• What Usually Happens: The “news” is so distracting that your boss can’t focus, and will end up clutching and screwing up.
• Warning: Make the information have a vague enough source that it can’t be easily checked.
• Hint: Make it clear that you’re providing the information to be helpful.
• Tales from the Front: I’ve never attempted this one because I’ve not got the stomach to be that devious. However, I know of a guy who got stuck with a raving lunatic of a manager — constantly belittling people, screwing up big time, and self-medicating like crazy. She would go into meetings with the executive team and essentially volunteer to take on any difficult task that came up in order to look like she was super-competent.  Then she’d come back to her team and demand even more unpaid overtime from them so that she could deliver on the promises she’d made.  Finally, her team started sabotaging her out of self-defense, and one of the ways one team member tried was to tell her that he’d “heard a rumor that the CEO was worried about your drug usage,” right before her meeting with the executive board. She felt she had to defend herself and ended up explaining, to top management, why she was taking so many prescription drugs.  Within six months she was history.  Her replacement? The guy who sabotaged her.  Who, by the way, was just as bad in many ways.  I suppose the lesson is that, if you’ve got play this kind of political crap, chances are that the organization is so broken that you’d be better off working somewhere else.