Story Corner

(The Official Engagement picture)

I only have time for one part of my marrying Jessica story tonight, because five is too daunting and this one can really only be done justice by itself. Before I begin, I need to set the stage. I love my father in law (I love my mother in law too, but that really isn't germane to this story ... just making sure the bases are covered).


In some things I am very observant (i.e. plot in a story, scientific facts, peoples moods, etc.), however I like to think that in an effort to conserve brain function (I love conservation of almost anything) I unconsciously filter things that don't strike me as very important. Therefore, there are also areas where I am not very observant (i.e. what date various holidays and General Conference fall on, what people wear, other people's lives,etc.). I also never really knew that it is customary in our culture for the male to ask the female's father for her hand in marriage. I had never even heard of this. So I was shocked when Jessica came to me and told me that her dad was expecting me to ask him to marry her.


"HE IS!?!?"


"Yes."


"Why do I have to ask him?"


"It is just what people do when they are getting married and this is important to him."


"So if he says no then will you still marry me?"


"Of course I will."


"Then what is the point of asking him?"

This discussion continued until I finally understood the gravity of the situation and agreed to do it. I was kind of terrified to do it though. I felt so awkward. Now, knowing my Father in law better, I wish I could go back and do it again because I "get it" way better now. I think I could really wow him.


So I met him at work one day. I hadn't really thought through my sales pitch on this one so I started off by telling him how much I loved his daughter and all the reasons why I wanted to marry her.


After my first volley and a short pause I began to worry that maybe this exercise wasn't to test my devotion, but rather to qualify myself as a viable spouse. So I started in all over again this time emphasizing that I would take good care of Jessica and be nice to her and telling him that I thought I was smart and would end up providing well for her. The pause after this second attempt gave me time to wonder if I should be convincing Jessica's dad that she wanted to marry me.

So off I set for a third round. This time I went over the fact that I thought Jessica loved me too and wanted to be married to me and that I was confident this would be something she would want too ... etc. etc. etc. After this pause I was out of good lines of reasoning so I went back in with any random thought that could possibly help my case. Mercifully, it was at this point that my father in law interrupted me and began to manage the conversation much better than I had up to that point.

So as my father-in-law began to direct the conversation, he got very emotional. I didn't know this at the time, but he is an emotional guy. This behavior was very foreign to me. I wasn't sure what to do. Should I console him? Should I pretend like there weren't tears coming out of his eyes? I just didn't know. Then I started getting worried that maybe HE EXPECTED ME TO CRY TOO!?! Oh great ... now he'll never let me marry Jessica, because obviously I am an unfeeling oaf.

I managed to make it through an hour or so of this. And then I could tell things were wrapping up. I got the vibe that things were going well and I wouldn't have to elope after all, despite my stony heart. Towards the end my father in law paused and I could tell was getting ready to give me a compliment. It was then that the most memorable word he ever said to me were spoken;
"I want you to know that if I could choose anyone to marry my daughter, you would be second." He then kind of eased back in his chair to let the full weight of his words sink in.

It took me a second to gauge if he were joking, or being subtlety malicious, or what? I quickly realized that NO ... in fact he felt he had just paid me a very sincere compliment. It kind of made me laugh a little. I wasn't used to coming in second to anyone. I am not saying that I never lose at anything, but growing up in the "Haytown" ghetto, I was beloved by every parent I ever came across. I couldn't believe that I had just been ranked by my soon to be father in law number 2.

So I met up with Jessica and gave her a full debriefing. Towards the end I swore her to secrecy and told her what had happened with her dad. I found it funny and kind of ironic. Jessica went ape. Her promises to keep the discussion between me and herself immediately went out the window. And she stormed off to battle with her dad.

We have long since worked through that event. My father in law has bent over backwards to show me that he loves me and holds me in highest (or maybe it's second highest) regard.

**NOTE: Be sure to read Jessica's dad's rebuttal in the comments. He's anonymous and about 6 comments down.**

Story Corner #6

by Ryan

So we started dating a lot … Rather than document every step, I thought I would just compile a top 10 list of memories that I have from that time.

By the time Jessica finally came around, I was dating a few different girls on and off. My family began to joke about it because all of their names started with “J.” One of the other girls I was already dating happened to be named Jessie. I am horrible with names. I thought I would simplify matters by transitioning over to calling both of them Jess. Unfortunately, I wasn’t aware that the Sherrills are very particular about their names. After trying out the new moniker on Jessica a few times and feeling like “this is really going to work out,” I was accosted by a 9 year old Bekah (same attention to detail, just a smaller body): “Jessica HATES being called Jess!” she bellowed. Jessica politely tried to soften her blow only to be met by Bekah’s continued insistence that “yes huh” she did hate the name and began citing instances when Jessica had said as much herself. Needless, to say I abandoned the Name Consolidation Effort and figured that based on Bekah’s passionate response I would be wise to return to using Jessica’s full legal given name.

Sam. Jessica has a younger brother Sam. He was 10-11 at the time we got married. He was a complete loose canon. He got very hyper, especially when guests came over. The Sherrills adopted California’s “3-Strikes” policy. In CA, if a criminal is convicted of a felony 3 times, he was automatically “out” (i.e. sent to jail) for life. At the Sherrill house, every time Sam would do something outrageous or crazy (i.e. yell, destroy a plant, eat a live squirrel, etc.) he would get a “strike”. Dorrie (Jessica’s mom) was typically the umpire “calling” the game for Sam. Throughout the afternoon/evening you would randomly hear chaos emanating from Sam’s general vicinity, which was followed shortly by Dorrie’s voice announcing “OK Sam … that’s strike 2!!” He was usually “out” by about 7:00pm, which meant he was in his room for the rest of the night.

On Sundays I would come over to Jessica’s family’s house a lot. We would usually go for a walk with whomever wanted to come because the list of acceptable Sunday activities is relatively short. We would always end up taking her dog with us. It was a dachshund. It was kind of a silly dog. For example, instead of laying like a normal dog, it would sprawl out on the floor like a teenage boy crashed out on his bed (i.e. on its belly with all its paws fully extended and sprawled). So “Heidi” would usually come on the walk too (unless Sam had already been sentenced to walking her in an effort to get him to expend some of his uber energy). Unfortunately for our walks, (and Sam’s too) Heidi’s little legs could only handle a few blocks before she would be dragging way behind. So the walks always ended up with someone having to turn back way early to give poor Heidi a break.

Shortly after deciding to get married, we began discussing our big plans. In the middle of one discussion Jessica blurted out in a semi-irritated voice “You know you have to buy me a ring … don’t you?” I quickly gathered that she wasn’t joking. I was horrified by the comment because it seemed so materialistic and greedy to me at the time. Of course I intended to buy her a ring! We had only been talking about marriage for a couple weeks by this point. Later, I came to find out that Jessica had previously progressed toward marriage only to be stifled by her boyfriend’s inability to actually go through with the purchase of a ring.

It is often said that when you are dating, you tend to hide your flaws because you are on your best behavior. To an extent, this is true. However some flaws are so mammoth and gaping that there is just no covering up those suckers. Such was my experience with my innate sense of misdirection. I have this gut feel for directions. I refer to it as “the force”. When I get a tentative question from Jessica as to whether I know where I am going, I like to assuage her concerns by announcing that I am driving “by the force” and thus don’t need any directions. My Force leads me the wrong way 90% of the time. It is only correct enough to make me second guess myself on those rare instances that it does in fact lead me in the correct direction. As we were dating in CA, I tried to take Jessica to the beach numerous times. This is about an hour and a half trip from lovely Tracy. We would always end up near the beach, but we only actually made it to the beach twice. We would literally unroll the windows and be able to hear the waves crashing or feel the sea mist in the air only to continue to make u-turns for the next hour never to find the beach. We would finally run out of time and have to just turn around and drive home, without ever even stepping out of the car. I really feel sorry for Jessica because of my namby-pamby sense of misdirection, but as my friend Kyle likes to say, “she knew what I was when she picked me up.”

… actually I am now realizing that this “top 10” is too much for me to write and you to read, so I will have to finish up with the next 5 next week.

Weekly Story Corner #5

After getting some time with Jessica, I couldn’t get her out of my head. I wanted to see her again. I finally decided to put her to the test. I posted the following letter on her front door in classical Lutheran style.

(We can't seem to get these to get larger for the reading audience so here's the translation:

Jessica Buttercup Sherrill,

I, Ryan Park Romney, on the twelfth day of February in the nineteen hundred and ninety seventh year of our Lord, Challenge you to face me, man to woman. Due to the shame which has brought upon myself, the many members of my family (immediate and extended), and the good citizens of my blessed homeland of Tracy, I am forced to restore my honor by challenging you to a duel. While you are probably querying yourself about the manner in which you have inflicted such great injustices upon us, I feel that justice can only be truly served if you are forced to see the embarrassment which you have inflicted upon us. Thus your false pretense of such innocence may be unmasked as you meet your demise. I have made countless attempts to court you properly, in hopes that one day I would have the satisfaction of coming to our home only to be met by your found embrace. Such hopes, I have come to see, are the whims of a foolish romantic. I can endure rejection, but the blatant humiliation with which you torture me is more than my honor can bear. Thrice spurned by you, I feel it my duty to resolve the matter once and for all. The honor of my family and home land has been equally tarnished by association.

Therefore, as you fancy yourself a woman of great wisdom and learning, I feel that in all fairness to you, we should meet on your terms. Thus let it be sounded throughout all the city, that I will meet you are a distance of three paces with nothing betwixt us save it be honor, one-sided love, and a Trivial Pursuit board. If you perchance by some stroke of luck emerge victorious, then you will no longer be pestered by my undying love. Yet, when I have claimed the victory, then you r hand will finally be given me in marriage. I find this the only logical path towards an ultimate resolution of our star-crossed fates. So, if you be woman enough to meet me, I will meet you at the twenty-first hour of the thirteenth day of February in the nineteen hundred and ninety-ninth year of our Lord.

--Ryan P. Romney)

In response, I found the following missive waiting for me when I returned home the next day.

(Translation #2:

Sir Romney,

Being much grieved on the receipt of your plaintive message, I feel compelled to reply in haste. Forgive me for what may have seemed unkind rejections. I am, as thou canst see, a woman much occupied with teenage students and hungry travelers. Thus, my time for social romps is much limited. Many a night, I have retired to my bed much exhausted by work, rather than entertainment. Do not think yourself the object of my scorn or that I am at all wearied by your kindly requests--in fact, your invitation are, by far, the ones I look most forward to receiving. This is due to the much laughter I experience in your company. Please use this letter as a salve to your wounded pride and extend my apologies to those in your family affected by my unknowing injuries to their honor.

Having thus said, I am worried on only one point. IN your letter you requested my company for one day and two years hence. I was much grieved when I read that you think to see me on the thirteenth day of February in the year nineteen hundred and ninety-NINE. Perchance, may we meet earlier? Like, maybe tomorrow? If not, I truly understand, due to my many rejections, that you may be nursing resentful feeling towards me and feel to punish me by this long absence. If, in fact, you would capitulate and assent to a meeting of the minds on the night after this one--I would be most glad.

I must warn you, however, that your pride may be hurt once again. I am a formidable opponent in the game of Trivial Pursuit and upon thoroughly destroying you, I fear I may lose your friendship. Keep this in mind as you approach the game!

If everything is understood, then I will anticipate your phone call around the twenty-first hour. Let the games begin!!!

Your humble servant,

Fair Jessica)

Jessica did not fail to impress. At one point she got some ridiculous geography question about some Chinese river. “I wouldn’t know this one either” I admitted after encountering the answer for the first time. I knew I wanted to marry her when she easily bust out the “Yangtse River.” Simply phenomenal.

Weekly Story Corner #3

I dated other girls for a while. One night I took a girl that I had gone out with a bit to a local high school basketball game. Tracy is kind of fun because you run into people you know all the time, but especially at functions like the high school basketball game. While I was at the game I bumped into one of the kids from my class (I taught the 13-14 year old Sunday School class at church). Nate was a super cool kid and I liked him a lot so we chatted for a while.

Later, he mentioned to his older sister that he had seen me at the basketball game. He also mentioned that I wasn’t alone. Suddenly, he was fielding questions about who I was with, how close were we sitting together and whether or not we looked like “girlfriend and boyfriend,” etc. To this day, I have a soft spot for my brother-in-law Nate.

Retail is known for using the “One Day Sale” to create an impetus to close a sale by creating the perception that the deal is too good to last. I became the unwitting beneficiary of this primal female reaction. Within 48 hours, my phone began to ring.

I had actually gone to sleep early that night. Luckily my mom was the one who picked up the phone. My dad has an unpredictable streak, and can not be counted on to appropriately handle important phone calls. I have to share an example:

One Sunday afternoon when I was about 17, I told my family that a certain girl was supposed to call and that it was IMPORTANT!! I was going to take the traditional Sunday snooze. Everyone was thoroughly informed that they should wake me up when she called. I was woken up about an hour later by my dad coming into my room saying,

Dad: “Uh Ryan, … JaneDoe just called.”
Me: “Okay … give me the phone”
Dad: “Oh, I told her you couldn’t come to the phone because you were asleep.”
Me: (completely baffled) “Whu-huh? … why are you waking me up to tell me this then?”
Dad: “I just thought you would want to know.”


This is why I'm glad my mom answered the phone...She knew the importance of this call and decided to come wake me up before hanging up on the caller. I was awoken by her urgent whispering that Jess-i-ca was on the phone. Bleary eyed I picked up the phone and asked “are you calling to tell me that you love me?”

Jessica is the only girl I have ever seen that could make a Saturn look sexy

Jessica informed me that she had just purchased a new car and that it was in need of a test drive. Quickly, I seized the much-sought-for opportunity and a date was made for the following afternoon. The date baited me back in. It was time to raise the stakes.

Story Hour, by Jessica

(We're giving Ryan a break today and I'm telling my own story).

Once upon a time, in a city in Northern California, a handsome young man was born, 33 years ago today. He was the 3rd child in his family and the first boy. His parents were good and wise and he was a blessing to all who knew him. He was blessed with much humor and intelligence and a desire to serve others.

He was the golden boy where he lived (and not only because he was white in an area that had mostly Latinos and African Americans). Teachers, leaders and girls loved him and he had school accolades, children named after him (really!) and kissed LOTS of frogs/girls in his youth.

He was called to serve in a land far away (the Baltic nations) and learned a difficult tongue. He had incredible experiences and made friendships with companions that have deepened and lasted to this day.

He met the girl of his dreams after returning home. They quickly moved from his homeland and really quickly began having kids. Due to his amazing abilities, he was able to complete a bachelor's and a master's degree while working full time, serving in demanding church callings and parenting four children.

He is truly a hero to his kids, with whom he is deeply involved. They learn to laugh, work and serve the Lord because of him. He is a prince to his wife, who truly doesn't know why God blessed her with an almost-perfect man, when she is so far from almost perfect.

And he, truly, lived happily ever after.

Weekly Story Corner - Week 2

Chapter 2: Stepping Back

(Jessica -and Adrianne and Tammy-and Ryan, right around the time the dating commenced...can anyone tell me why she wouldn't be head-over-heels for this specimen of manhood?! <--- pictures posted by jessica w/o any form of either verbal or written consent. I should sue.)

(What the @#$&??? - I am 16 in this picture!!! ... I don't know why my wife posts her at 22 and me at 16. She is falsely representing "the way we were")

If there is one thing that my marriage has taught me, it is that Jessica is not one to change her mind readily. Once it is set on something, a nearly unearthly effort is required to convince her to change her mind. My schooling in this lesson began from the very start of our relationship. After our first date, I could tell that while Jessica genuinely enjoyed me, she wasn’t really interested. However, since I am someone who embraces life’s challenges head on, I decided that the only appropriate course of action would be to find another girl just like Jessica with the exception that she was more easily smitten by me. Surely there must be boatloads of such girls out there.

It only took me the three months between our first date and Jessica’s final return home as a BYU alumni for me to realize my mistake. There just weren’t any other girls like her out there. I decided to stake my claim and change her mind. So I told my good “friend” that Jessica was mine. I clearly explained that when she got back from college that I was going to date her. Despite the fact that he appeared to be fluent in English, there must have been some sort of miscommunication, because I came to find out AFTER Jessica and I were married, that he happened to be in the Sherrill neighborhood quite often, and that he even went so far as to invite himself over for Sunday dinner and tried to make all nicey-nice with mom and dad.

The dating pool in the San Joaquin valley wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be. But the silver lining around that cloud was that for as bad as it was in the female end of the pool, the male end was far more shallow. I had it all planned out in advance. In fact I even explained my strategy to my comprehension challenged "friend." I would simply wait her out. I would continue to be my fun-loving, charismatic self while allowing Jessica the opportunity to get a good look around. I wanted her to have ample time to weigh out her options. I figured that once her eyes adjusted to her new surroundings, she would begin to see things my way a little bit more.

So after her arrival home, our little dance began. I would ask her out relatively frequently and she would come up with increasingly less plausible excuses for not accepting. It became a joke for me and my friends. Whenever we planned any sort of group date I would jokingly inquire … “should I ask Jessica?”

“Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! Ask her out again,” they would laugh as bets began to be placed on how long her rejection would take or what excuse would be used. I would then call her with all of them sitting around me as I tried to be as charming as possible. I would bat away their muffled snickering as Jessica would tell me how sorry she was that she wouldn’t be available “that night.” In fact, we kind of made it a ritual of sorts. Jessica always got a call before, I asked out whoever my real date was. They loved watching the anticipated rejection come.

My favorite excuse came one night as I called Jessica around 8:00 p.m. to see if she was up for some activity. She told me that she was really tired and that she was just about to go to bed. As she said this I checked the clock in disbelief. The A-Team was our family’s favorite show the last time I had gone to bed that early. It was then and there that I realized that she was never going to come around. I decided that it would be more humane for the both of us if I didn’t keep pressing the issue. I had called her for the last time.

That decision marked a turning point in our relationship.

Weekly Story Corner – Week 1

Disclaimer: Jessica is always begging me to post some of the stories that my kids harangue me to tell. The 2-9 year old crowd is not the most discerning audience. So please bear with me. In honor of Valentines Day I am starting a blog column that will run weekly with the Everyday Romneys because I know how much my wife will love it. My premier offering will cover how Jessica and I met and fell madly in love. This is not a tale for the faint of heart (Jessica’s fault – not mine), so I will continue this in Dickens episodic style over the next few weeks. This week will be part one of the too long tale. Enjoy, or skip – you decide.

The Journey of a Million Miles Begins with a Single Step

Chapter 1: First Steps

Mine was an arranged marriage. My family met Jessica before I even knew of her. They moved to her home town of Tracy, CA while I was away serving as a missionary. After returning home, they told me we would be perfect for each other. Jessica’s family and mine had broken bread (or more likely BBQ’d hamburgers) together as I was enjoying carp jerky, kidney paste or some other Russian delicacy. It would be another 14 months before I would even hear of her from them. Their meager descriptions piqued my interest. I wanted to know more of her.

They first showed her to me at the Tracy town 4th of July celebration, which is held on the football field at Tracy High School. This in and of itself was a bewildering festival of patriotism. I grew up in Hayward, (pronounced Haytown) CA. There were no large scale 4th of July celebrations in Haytown. Cinco De Mayo – YES, … 4th of July – NO.

Pointing 50 yards away someone yelled, “Ryan, look over there! That’s Jessica Sherrill.”
“Over there” were only about 5 thousand former, current and future Tracy Bulldogs.
“Where?”
“There (pointing into the masses) walking away from us”
“Is she the one in the blue shirt?”
“No! She’s the one in Jeans” (thanks, that narrowed it down to only about 3k people)
I soon had four family members and their friends trying to point her out to me all at the same time. Everyone saw her but me. Disappointed I resolved to meet her before she returned to BYU. I missed her by a day about a week later. My next 4-6 attempts to make contact were equally successful.

I was always informed of her in-town-ness a day too late. It became a comical discussion every time there was a purported Jessica sighting. As is usually the case in the Romney house, the humor got carried away, first she was just “Jessica”, then my “Girlfriend” then my “Wife” and before long it was the “Mother of My Children” all without ever meeting her.

Finally after Church one afternoon my brother walked in and said, “hey I saw your wife at church today,” I replied “Did you really see the mother of my children?” Past experience warned against delay so I picked up the phone and called the Sherrill’s who I was getting familiar with due to numerous near misses. This time she was actually home. I could hear that this call was causing no small stir among her family as well. So when she picked up the phone, my first words were, “If we are going to get married then we probably ought to go out on a date.” She was witty and casual and outdid the Jessica I had imagined for myself.

Friday came and I picked her up. This is the part of the story where I start cheering and hyperventilating for my kids when I retell seeing her for the very 1st time, because I can’t believe how gorgeous their mom was … and frankly still is. I took her to Fisherman’s Warf in San Francisco. I was worried we might run out of conversation since it takes at least an hour to drive from Tracy to San Francisco (one way). As a kid my teacher had me share a desk with the shyest girl in the entire 4th grade (Kim Chang) because I talked too much to everyone else she tried to sit me with. After talking at Kim for more than a week straight my teacher segregated me to a single desk in the back of the class. Jessica makes me look like Kim Chang. So needless to say, my main concern was completely unfounded.

Memorable moments include:

1. Jessica wasn’t quite ready when I arrived. She came out wearing two different shoes and asked me to pick which one I thought looked best.


2. Swapping worst-date-ever stories.


3. Me being dumb enough to tell her about a residual stomach issue from my time in the former USSR attempting to explain why I wasn’t starving but telling her I would be happy to take her anywhere she wanted to eat. She was so open and honest that I was sure she would tell me when she was hungry. I realize now that I created an awkward situation for her – sorry girlfriend. In my defense, I did bring up dinner multiple times. Knowing her like I do now, it would have been wiser share some fried food and chocolate over dinner. The resulting endorphins are always on my side.


4. Finding some space-age scale at a Fisherman’s Warf novelty shop and being instructed to turn around so I couldn’t watch while Jessica gauged its accuracy.


5. High intensity laughter and talking at all night.

From my perspective the date was perfect. From her perspective … well, I will cover that next week. I did tell my sister Heather the next day that I wanted to marry a girl just like Jessica. I was sold on Jessica from that very first date. Somehow, I played my cards just right with her. That stroke of luck will ever outweigh any bad juju that comes my way.