Can I Return My Receipt?

I'm sorry, but I believe that a receipt should never be physically larger than the purchase it represents.

Explanation: I had my morning endodontist appointment and he believes that the issue is with a different tooth than the one I had the root canal in way back when. For the temperature "sensitivity" (which feels similar to the "sensitivity" one's skin feels against a chainsaw blade) he suggested I try Sensodyne toothpaste before pursuing any more radical treatment. This leads me to today's status message.

I stopped at Rite Aid on the way home and picked up a tube of Sensodyne. I paid for it and received a receipt which is almost twice the size of my tube of toothpaste:


Really? Is it truly that necessary to give me a receipt so large? It has my purchase information on it. It contains a bar code, which I'm sure makes returns easier. What more is necessary? The giant ad for their new online store? I think not. The huge plug for their Rx Savings Card? I don't think so. Their suggestion for internet refills? Nope. It strikes me as a little wasteful for companies to be giving out receipts that are so large.

Companies of the world, hear me now. If I buy a car from you, you can give me a receipt the size of an oriental rug. I won't even complain. Heck, you can give it to me in triplicate if you want to. Lord knows I got that much paperwork when I bought my house. But if I'm buying a package of Tic Tacs? I want a receipt smaller than that package... or no receipt at all. I don't care if I can't read it - they're Tic Tacs! There's no need to put your entire weekly circular on the receipt. I don't need to take any sort of survey on my Tic Tac purchasing experience. I don't care about your online prescription service. I just want Tic Tacs! Thank you.

Even More Dental Fun!

I don't know what's going to be worse tomorrow - the endodontist or the fact that the appointment is at 8:00am.

Explanation: I made an 8:00am endodontist appointment (that's a doctor of painology, if you didn't know) for tomorrow. Now, first of all, you have to know that the only reason I would schedule an endodontist appointment is if I foresee the pain of the appointment as being less than the pain of not having an appointment. On a related note, I'm only chewing with the left side of my mouth today. It seems the root canal I whined about way back when still isn't right. That'll make for a fun visit, I'm sure.

The other issue is the time of the appointment. Now, I generally schedule all of my appointments for bright and early in the morning and have no issues with those times. Tomorrow, however, will be the first time I've ever done that with a newborn infant in the house. It's one thing to get up for an 8:00am appointment after going to bed at 10:00pm. It's another thing to do so after sitting up with a baby until 1:30 in the morning.

I'm thinking the bright side of this is that I might sleep through the procedure. Well, that and that the throbbing pain might go away sometime soon.

Back With Full Chewing Action!

I CAN CHEW ON MY RIGHT AGAIN!

Short, Happy Explanation: I finally got a permanent filling this morning and now that the temporary filling is gone, I can chew on my right side again. This ends over a month of only being able to chew on my left.

Long, Pissed Off Explanation: Over a month ago, a chewing discomfort turned into a chewing pain, and since it was joined by a sudden sensitivity to temperature, I decided it was time to make a dentist appointment. I covered this first stage of my saga in this post. The only good news I got during that appointment was that there was still a lot of "useful tooth" left and he could use a permanent filling after my root canal instead of a cap.

Fast forward to this morning (yes, I'm conveniently skipping over my root canal). I sit down in the chair to get my filling and the hygienist and I had the following conversation:


Hygienist: [Looks at my file] So, you're here for a crown?

Jeremy: No, he said he was just going to fill it.

Hygienist: It says here that you're getting a crown. Did you get a root canal?

Jeremy: Yes.

Hygienist: Then you're getting a crown. We'll file the tooth down and take the measurements today, put a temporary on it and then you'll come back in two weeks and have the crown bonded on. Don't worry, we can match the color.

(At this point, I should mention how ludicrous matching the color is, considering it's tooth #2. The tooth is a molar so far back in the top of my mouth, I can barely see it when opening wide in a mirror. The freakin' thing could be purple for all I care.)

Jeremy: I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO CHEW ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF MY MOUTH FOR OVER A MONTH. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE??? He said last time that he'd fill it because there was still enough "useful tooth" there.

Hygienist: No, once you get the root canal, the tooth is dead and you can't fill it because it's delicate and you might crack it. I've seen cases where the tooth had to be extracted because it cracked, and there's nothing you can do about it. You have to get a crown.

Jeremy: I AM SICK OF ONLY CHEWING ON MY LEFT. HE SAID HE'D FILL IT LAST TIME.


At this point, apparently the homicidal thoughts I was having were visible on my face and in the smoke coming out of my ears. She wandered out of the room and came back with the doctor, clearly having explained my hostility. The doctor explained (before looking) that he could either crown it or fill it, and gave the reasons for both. Really, the big threat when filling it is that the tooth, now dead from the root canal, could crack so badly as to require extraction. Given the health of my teeth, though, this doesn't seem like a terrible threat. Sooner or later it will chip and I'll need a cap, but it could be years before that happens. After looking at it, he said, "If you were my brother, I'd recommend you just get the filling."

If I were his brother, I'd recommend he fire that hygienist.

I Survived!

Yesterday afternoon at my appointed time, I began the journey toward a place I often equate with the very pits of Hell. I headed off on my way, knowing full well that unimaginable pain and suffering awaited me there. My appointment did not disappoint. Through the use of various instruments of torture, my body... no, my very soul was torn and beaten down until all that remained was the mere shadow of the person I used to be. No human being should endure such intolerable pain. And yet at the end, with what little strength I had left, I walked away from it under my own power. I survived my leg workout. After that, the root canal was easy.

Explanation: In preparation for the fun that was my root canal yesterday, I gave myself a brutal leg workout. Conveniently, I had an hour or so to lay in a chair after the workout, which was nice, since I couldn't hold myself up. I have to say, for a little while the root canal caused more pain than the leg workout, but right now, the legs are ahead by a mile. (And not because they are a mile long)

Also fun about yesterday's trip to the endodonist was that it took me past both my dentist and my periodontist. To quote my wife, "I don't even want to know what's past your endodontist's office." I'm guessing it's Camden.

Teeth Are Overrated Anyway

Nothing beats waking up in the middle of the night and thinking about... dental work.

Explanation: The other night I woke up in the middle of the night thinking very clearly about dental work. I was not dreaming, unlike some other Jeremys. No, I was wide awake. It took me a few moments to realize why.

Last week I went in to have a filling replaced and walked out with a referral to an endodontist. I was not familiar with the word "endodontist" before last week. It's never a good thing when you walk out of a doctor's office with a new word. In this case, "endodontist" is from the Latin for "one who inflicts pain." It turns out my filling had cracked enough for a little cavity to form under there. As the dentist continued to drill down, the little cavity became bigger and bigger. Now I have a root canal scheduled for Wednesday. Even worse, he couldn't replace the filling, so I have to go back in a few weeks to have the filling done, after the root canal is deemed successful. This is just buckets of fun, I tell you. Buckets.

To hold me over until my root canal, my dentist gave me a temporary medicated filling. The tooth doesn't hurt, but late at night when the mint from my toothpaste wears off, it tastes like dental work. Oh, and I'm not supposed to chew on my right side until I get the new filling, so that's just wonderful. I'm already a slow eater. This doesn't help.

Special Blog Bonus: Speaking of not helping, here's a very appropriate Far Side about dentistry. I think it's safe to assume that the dentist is using a medicated temporary tennis ball here:

Dentistry and Me

I like my dentist. My dentist has never done any dental work on me. Do you think those two sentences are related?

Explanation: I had a dentist appointment this morning with my new (since moving to New Jersey) dentist. I really like the guy. Of course, he's also never done anything more than look in my mouth for cavities. I guess the moral of the story is, you can never know if you truly like somebody until they've used a drill in your mouth.

At this point, I will refrain from discussing the joys of periodontal surgery and its lack of drilling and just wish you all a happy, Novacaine-free weekend.

Special Blog Bonus: It's Friday! To celebrate, we do the Dance of Joy!



Thanks to everyone who submitted MAD LIBS words yesterday. If you haven't gotten around to it yet, there's still time! Get them in before Monday.

Oh How the Mighty Have Fallen

Last week I ate two Thanksgiving dinners in six hours. Yesterday, I was proud that I managed to finish half a bowl of mashed potatoes. Oh, how times have changed.

Explanation: Today's status would be the reason I scheduled my periodontist appointment for AFTER Thanksgiving. The next family holiday is Hannukah, and latkes are easy on a damaged mouth.

Ironically, the procedure I had done yesterday is called a "free gingival graft". I find this name particularly amusing, considering that I will spend the remainder of the week working to pay for said procedure.

Special Blog Bonus: As a special bonus to you valued readers out there, I will not discuss any of the specifics of yesterday's procedure, nor will I discuss why my brief attempt at keeping my eyes open during the surgery failed so miserably.