Gotta Love Canadians

Metric conversion: 1 yard = aboot 1 metre

Explanation: Not much of an explanation necessary. Any Canadian will give you this advice for free.

This reminds me of a computer course I took once. The instructor was unbelievably boring, and happened to be Canadian. Every once in a while, I'd wake from my coma to hear "aboot" or some other fun Canadian modification of a word. I started instant messaging the guy next to me with the words to "The Humpty Dance"...

Alright, stop what you're dooin!
'Cause I'm about to rooin,
The image and the style that you're used to.
I look funny,
But yo, I'm makin' money, see,
So yo world, I hope you're ready for me.
Now gather 'roond,
I'm the new fool in toon,
And my soond's laid doon by the Undergroond...

At which point he burst out laughing, interrupted the class, and had to leave the room to regain his composure. Good times!

Yes, I know Canadians don't sound quite like that, but it was still quite funny.

That's a Fast Fastball

Olympic baseball players are better than you might think.

Explanation: Yesterday I turned on the only channel of Olympic coverage to find a USA baseball game on. As most of you probably know, I'm really not much of a baseball fan. In the five seconds I watched before changing the channel, though, something marvelous happened.

You see, in a brief moment of curiosity, I wondered if professionals were allowed to play, and if not, why, considering they can play in basketball. As I saw a few players whose names I didn't recognize, it was clear that they were amateurs... or so I thought. They mentioned that the American bullpen had yet to give up a hit in the tournament, and then it happened: the pitcher through a fastball that registered 152 on the radar gun. One hundread and fifty two! Our professionals only throw in the nineties! I was amazed! I didn't even know our Olympic team was that good. For a moment I marveled at how the catcher could handle such velocity without his glove and/or hand exploding. Then I changed the channel.

Special Blog Bonus: In completely unrelated news, check out this map.

He Had His Own Bible, Too

Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do, we do! Who keeps Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps? We do, We do! Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star? We do, we do! Who robs cavefish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night? We do, We Do, We do!

Source: This is the Stonecutters' song from the Simpsons.

Explanation: As I was flipping through the channels this morning, I stumbled across the fine piece of cinema that is Police Academy IV. Like any sane movie viewer, I started to ponder why exactly Steve Guttenberg was a star in that film. Then I remembered this song.



Special Blog Bonus: Mr. Jellyfish can thank the Stonecutters for this as well:

Metric Post

My favourite part about the European soccer championships is how the players all give 0.1 kilopercent.

Explanation: It's just awesome to watch. Every player wants to win the championship, and they'll go the extra 1.61 kilometres to get there. They fight tooth and nail for every 2.54 centimetres. And with those kilosingles of fans behind them, rooting them on, it's quite a spectacle. Then, throw in games like this weekend's that went into extra time and shootouts: my heart was 0.45 kilogramming, and I wasn't even on the pitch with those guys. I can't wait until the semifinals start!

Special Blog Bonus: The new Death Star is available from LEGO. It's a mere 0.0004 megadollars - get one today before it's too late. Did I mention that it comes with (among others) LEGO Grand Moff Tarkin?

Wait Wait... Don't Post Me!

"How are things in Vancouver?" "Ummm... kinda like Seattle, only metric."

Source: This exchange happened when Anthony, a caller from Vancouver Canada, was a contestant on NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!

Explanation: Wait Wait is rapidly becoming my favorite podcast, which is unfortunate, because I'm burning through all of my past episodes. Soon I'll be stuck waiting for a new episode each week like the rest of the world. It's like "catching up to reality" on a TiVo-delayed program. You suddenly just don't feel privileged anymore, because you have to watch commercials like the rest of those non-TiVo-owning commoners out there.

Here's a behind the scenes look at Wait Wait:



Special Blog Bonus: Here's a Good Eats parody. "See how much easier it is when we work in metric?"