Words you never want to say: "Wait a minute! That's not ketchup!"
Explanation: So, the other day, after some difficulty opening the "safety seal" on a ketchup bottle, I poured my ketchup and noticed that I had some on my thumb. Upon further inspection, I exclaimed today's status. Apparently, I had managed to slice my thumb open on the safety seal and it was bleeding profusely. Very safe, indeed. On the bright side, I have never found myself saying "That's not apple juice!" (OK, I did say that once, but it turned out to be white grape juice)
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