Bite-Size Baseball

I watched the entire baseball game last night! Go Phillies!

Explanation: Given that last night's Game 5 was potentially the deciding game of the World Series, and given that the Phillies are now my local team, I decided to sit down and watch the entire game. That's right - I, Jeremy, watched an entire baseball game phrom start to phinish. Now, admittedly, the phact that the start was in the middle of the sixth inning did help my cause, but I'm still really proud of myselph.

Now, I'll be the phirst to admit that baseball games are better in person when they have nine innings. Otherwise, there just wouldn't be enough opportunities to visit the concession stands. Or, in the case of most of the other patrons, there wouldn't be enough chances to drown yourselph in alcohol to the point where you make a phool of yourselph, much to my amusement. The televised baseball game, however, is ideally three to phour innings long. When TiVoed, that's an hour of excitement, tops. Perphect phor my busy schedule.

Now, iph you'll excuse me, I have to put the phinishing touches on my Phillie Phanatic Halloween costume and then go join the rioting in my street. Go Phillies!

The Wet Series

On a miserable rainy day like this, all you really want to do is go outside and play a potentially deciding game of the World Series.

Explanation: Why would you play game five in the pouring rain??? Why???

There. That's my contribution to the blogosphere today. Stay tuned for another exciting post tomorrow here on Jeremy's Status Message.

Echo! (echo)

Today (today today) I consider myself (myself) not so lucky (lucky) but not too unlucky either (either). I will keep you updated if anything changes (changes).

Source: See, I'm trying to do a parody of Lou Gehrig's famous farewell speech at Yankee Stadium.



I'm not sure if the echo effect comes across quite as well in print. Oh well. I tried.

That's a Fast Fastball

Olympic baseball players are better than you might think.

Explanation: Yesterday I turned on the only channel of Olympic coverage to find a USA baseball game on. As most of you probably know, I'm really not much of a baseball fan. In the five seconds I watched before changing the channel, though, something marvelous happened.

You see, in a brief moment of curiosity, I wondered if professionals were allowed to play, and if not, why, considering they can play in basketball. As I saw a few players whose names I didn't recognize, it was clear that they were amateurs... or so I thought. They mentioned that the American bullpen had yet to give up a hit in the tournament, and then it happened: the pitcher through a fastball that registered 152 on the radar gun. One hundread and fifty two! Our professionals only throw in the nineties! I was amazed! I didn't even know our Olympic team was that good. For a moment I marveled at how the catcher could handle such velocity without his glove and/or hand exploding. Then I changed the channel.

Special Blog Bonus: In completely unrelated news, check out this map.

The Late George Carlin Post

In honor of George Carlin, here are 7 words you CAN say on television: yarn, mittens, puppy, marshmallow, goldfish, happy, and waffles.

Explanation: News of George Carlin's death broke yesterday morning, and as a result, every blogger and their mother decided to post about him. Every George Carlin bit on YouTube has been seen thousands of times in the past 24 hours. Heck, you've probably seen them all, too.

Anyway, I'm jumping into the fray with a late post about a "late" guy. Everyone knows that Carlin did a bit about the seven words you can't say on television, so I decided to mention seven words that you can say. This makes my status message educational, family-friendly, and completely safe for use at work. Isn't it nice how that worked out?

Special Blog Bonus: Here's a George Carlin clip about baseball and football that you probably watched yesterday. It's still funny - watch it again.

Status of the Famous: Samuel F. B. Morse

Ever wonder what a famous person would have as their instant messaging status at work? Well now you'll know! Jeremy's Status Message proudly presents, Status Messages of the Famous:

-.. --- - -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. --- - -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... / -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. --- - -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... ....

Famous Person: Samuel F. B. Morse

Explanation: Morse's status is the text "Dotdotdot dotdash dashdash dotdot dotdash dashdash" in Morse code. Get it? The Morse code translates to Morse code! After a second translation, Morse's status is "Sam I am."

While searching United States Patents, I came across Mr. Morse's Patents Number 1,647 and Number 6,420. Fun stuff.

By the way, I used this site to generate the Morse code above. I should also mention that the Morse estate in Poughkeepsie, NY, is a good place to eat Chinese food with your coworkers.

The Last I'll Care About Baseball This Year: The Yankees eeked out an 11-0 win over Virginia Tech yesterday. Say what you want about George Steinbrenner's legacy - I'll forever be grateful that he set this in motion.

LEGO Creation of the Day: This scene has it all: a castle invasion, pouring lava, a crocodile in a tarpit. Fun for the whole family!

Yeah, That's Right, You Blouse-Wearing Poodle Walker

Bonjourrrrrrr, you cheese eating surrender monkeys!

Source: From The Simpsons episode Round Springfield, where budget cuts at Springfield Elementary School forced Groundskeeper Willie to teach a French class.

Explanation: Today's message is a long-distance dedication from Steve in Poughkeepsie to his favorite person from Surrenderville, Europe.

Special Blog Bonus: I am always amused by the selection of ads that appear on my blog, but today's was really worth mentioning. Apparently, my site is an ideal place to advertise for shoes that increase your height.* OK, I'll admit it. I've been "lifting". I wear them to boost myself up to 6'8".

Here's a Far Side to help you forget about your altitude deficiency:


Important Scheduling Note: At 3pm today, the New York Yankees play at Virginia Tech. You can see the game live here.

*For those of you keeping track at home, my advertisers think you are a short single Christian who likes Napoleon Dynamite.

Performance Enhanced Blogging?

I'm just glad the Mitchell Report is out and my name is finally cleared.

Explanation: I've denied all allegations against me, and now my name has been cleared. Yep, not being in the Mitchell Report means that there is abolutely no way that I could have possibly used blog-enhancing substances. Thank you to all who supported me through this difficult time.

Special Blog Bonus: Haven't read all 400+ pages? Get a special inside look at those who were surprisingly named in the Mitchell Report:

Johnny Bravo

Garfield

Grape Ape

Bam Bam Bigelow

Bam Bam Flintstone