What Goes U Must Come D

If that football game were an emoticon, it would be colon capital D.

Source: This is blatantly ripped off from The Big Bang Theory, still one of the best written shows on television (in my humble opinion).

Explanation: The ninth-ranked University of Miami came to Blacksburg this weekend for a game against eleventh-ranked Virginia Tech in which Miami was somehow the overwhelming favorite. At the end of the day, the 'Canes walked out of Lane Stadium having been beaten down, 31-7. Now the Hokies, with only a loss to Alabama, are ranked #6. You can say that we are rivals with this school and that school, but few things feel better than beating Miami.

:D

L-O-S-... Oh Wait, We Won!

Even though the offense barely did anything at all, a win is a win, not matter how small.

Source: This is from the Dr. Seuss classic, Tyrod Throws a Touchdown. OK, maybe it was about an elephant. My memory isn't so great on Monday mornings.

Explanation: Having been completely and totally beaten in Saturday's game against Nebraska, Virginia Tech somehow managed an 88-yard scoring drive in the last two minutes of play, thanks to a very mobile quarterback and a terribly blown coverage assignment by Nebraska's secondary. I was listening to the game online, compliments of Nebraska's radio team, and it pained me to hear how broken up they were over the small lapse that led to their loss. Of course, I'm over that now, as the #11 Hokies are 2-1 and host yet another ranked opponent next weekend as #9 Miami comes to town.

Have You Heard?

VT vs. Alabama, Tomorrow at 8 on ABC!

Explanation: Hey, have I mentioned that the Virginia Tech football season starts tomorrow at 8? It does. Go Hokies!

S-P-E-L-L-I-N-G-1-0-1

H-O-K-I-E-S Hokies!!!

Explanation: Football season is here! #7 VT plays #5 Alabama on Saturday to kick off the college football season! Woo-hoo!

Fear not, Americans, for Saturday night, we dine IN GEORGIA!!!!

Football is Back!

So long baseball. Football is back!

Explanation: Are you sick of baseball highlights on Sportscenter? Me too! I can only watch so many different varieties of "shortstop throwing to first" on Top Plays before I long for something bigger. Something better. FOOTBALL!

And what better way to kick off the football season than VT vs. Alabama this Saturday? None that I can think of.

The Sports Vacuum is Ending

Is it Saturday yet? Go Hokies!

Explanation: Finally, the summer long drought of professional sport has ended. Since the NBA season ended back in early June, our poor country has had no professional sporting events to enjoy until now! That's right - Ohio State football is back! As for the amateur teams, check out VT vs. Alabama on Saturday.

Five Days And Counting

The college football countdown is on!

Explanation: The Virginia Tech football season starts in five days when #7 VT opens the season against #5 Alabama. The countdown is on!

Frontrunning 101

I think I'll start caring about college basketball now.

Explanation: Last night at approximately 8:37pm, I got a phone call from my father. He asked if I knew anything about college basketball this year. From what I've gathered on ESPN recently, I told him that I only knew one thing: Wake Forest is number one. He told me that was correct and that Virginia Tech was playing them and beating them on ESPN2. So, at that very moment, I decided to care about college basketball this season. Tech went on to win the game. So now that I care, let me say this:

GO HOKIES! WOO-HOO!!! WE ROCK! TAKE THAT WAKE!!! YOU CAN'T ROLL WITH US!! I'VE BEEN A BELIEVER FROM DAY ONE, BABY! THEY CAN'T HANDLE US! YEAH! AND ON THEIR COURT, TOO! UNDEFEATED? MORE LIKE OVERRATED! BOO-YAH! HOKIES RULE! WE BEAT #1, WE SHOULD BE #1! I LOVE COLLEGE BASKETBALL!!!

Stay tuned tomorrow as I try to explain that I've been an Arizona Cardinals fan for years.

Enjoying It While It Lasts

Best. Football. Week. Ever.

Explanation: The best football week ever was comprised of four games, starting last Sunday and ending yesterday:


12/28/08: Philadelphia Eagles 44, Dallas Cowboys 6
An underachieving Eagles team that was 5-5-1 with 5 games left in the season went 3-1 in their next 4 games and had the stars align (Oakland defeated Tampa Bay and Chicago lost) in the last week so that their game against the hated Cowboys and the even more reviled Terrell Owens amounted to a "Win and you're in" scenario. The Eagles delivered, annihilating the loathsome Cowboys. It's always fun watching a Jerry Jones team get destroyed.


12/31/08: Vanderbilt 16, Boston College 14
If you missed the coverage of this game, allow me to sum it up for you:

• Vanderbilt was in their first bowl game in 26 years.
• Matt Ryan, now with the Atlanta Falcons, played at Boston College last year.

There was actually also football played, but you'd have never known from the television coverage. My wife's alma mater started their regular season 5-0, only to finish 6-6. Still, the six wins was enough to get them in a bowl game, where they knocked off the #24 ranked Matt Ryans in an exciting game. There was much joy in our household and we will savor this victory, as Vanderbilt is not scheduled to win another bowl game until 2065.


1/1/09: Virginia Tech 20, Cincinnati 6
A rebuilding Hokies team that I had zero confidence in this year somehow managed to win a four-way tiebreak in the ACC Coastal division with an 8-4 record, beat the aforementioned Matt Ryans in a rematch of last year's ACC Championship, and then won the team's first Orange Bowl by dominating #12 ranked Cincinnati. As Virginia Tech is actually incapable of scoring when in the red zone, the score does not quite reflect how convincing a win it was, but just trust me - I was convinced.


1/3/09: Philadelphia Eagles 26, Minnesota Vikings 14
The same underachieving Eagles team won a playoff wildcard game on the road last night, setting up a rematch with the hated Giants (yeah, Philly fans apparently don't like anyone) next week at the Meadowlands. I will not jinx the team by saying anything further.


A SPECIAL NOTE TO ALL YOU FACEBOOK JUNKIES OUT THERE: As I have recently joined Facebook due to an interesting series of events, I have decided to extend Jeremy's Status Message to Facebook. As you can see, I've been updating my work status on this blog for almost two years, and for several years before that (just trust me on that fact). If you are at all amused by this blog, I am glad and you can stop reading this post now. If you are not, then I don't mind. Your status message is stupid anyway.

Bowling Season

How exactly did Virginia Tech get into the Orange Bowl?

Explanation: This weekend, Virginia Tech won the ACC Championship game and therefore earned their ticket to the FedEx Orange Bowl on January 1st. And there I was, in front of the television, wondering how on earth this happened.

There have been many a season when I watched every Virginia Tech football game and rooted the team on, knowing that it was their year and with a few lucky breaks they could get to a BCS bowl game. I sat on the edge of my seat, jumped and cheered, got punched repeatedly in the stomach, and sometimes, in the luckiest of years, Tech made it to a big game.

This year, I just didn't have that kind of energy. It's not that I don't like the team, it's that this was a rebuilding year. The team lost way too much talent to actually compete this year. I knew that. I had very low expectations. Except a funny thing kept happening. As much as my team stunk, other teams managed to keep us in the hunt. Going into a big game at Miami, Tech held their fate in their own hands. Win out and get to the big game. They responded as they have all year, losing the game by the slimmest of margins, 16-14, because the offense just couldn't do anything late in the game. Miami was then kind enough to go out and lose the next week, sending the ACC into complete chaos. If Tech won out, they would (at the very worst) win a 4-way tiebreak. And Tech managed to win out, eeking out wins over Duke (14-3) and UVA (17-14). Go tiebreak!

Anyway, as I mentioned, Tech somehow managed to beat Boston College handily in the fourth game the two teams have played in the past 2 years and now they advance to the Orange Bowl to play Cincinnati - the only BCS team I think they have a chance at beating. This stinks. Now I have hope again.

We'll see how I'm doing on January 2nd.

Time Keeps on Slippin'

"Time continues to skip forward randomly, details at 11." (time jump) "This is the news at 11. The mysterious and unexplained…" (time jump) "Turning to entertainment news: Teen singer 'Wendy' might just be the lates…" (time jump) "…won 3 Grammy's last nigh." (time jump) "…was found dead. In her bathtub."

Source: This is a news segment from the Time Keeps on Slippin' episode of Futurama.

Explanation: I TiVoed the Virginia Tech football game last night and started watching it this morning. (At this point I have only seen the first half, so please don't talk to me about it.) Something is flaky about my TiVo, or maybe my cable, because I kept missing little segments of the game. Even more annoyingly, the first incident happened when Maryland was attempting their first field goal. The snap was good. The hold was good. The kick was up... "...ever live without this product. It's amazing technology". I had no idea what happened. The kick was in the air and suddenly I was in a commercial. At first I thought this was an ESPN issue. Then it happened again. And again it was during a Maryland field goal attempt. Again the play started and I was suddenly in a commercial. The only way I knew the result was because the score was different when I got back from commercial. I was certain it was an ESPN issue until it happened during live play as well. At that point, I realized that I had completely missed 2 minutes of broadcast. Then I missed the last 3 minutes before halftime as well.

So, on the bright side, I expect to finish the rest of the game in about half of the normal time. Sure, I'll miss most of it, but at least I can still claim that I went cannon to cannon.

By the way, if you're wondering, "cannon to cannon" is my Virginia Tech football motto. Tech fires off a cannon at the start of the game and at the end of the game. (And for scores in between, but that's not pertinent to my motto.) I watch games cannon to cannon. Start to finish. If we are winning in a blowout, I go cannon to cannon and enjoy every moment of it. If we lose in a blowout, I still sit tight until the final cannon and endure the pain.

I believe the only exception I've ever made to this rule was when my parents came to join me at a VT vs. Akron game in October of 1995. It was absolutely pouring rain on a typically cold fall day in Blacksburg. We left after the third quarter, when Tech's band was substituted into the game for the third string players. Tech went on to win the game 77-27. I would have stayed for the whole thing, except I left in deference to my parents, who were a bit soggier than they were used to being. It only seemed appropriate, seeing as they were paying for me to be there in the first place.

Hokie Hokie Hokie... Sigh

How can a team with no running game and no passing game score 23 points?

Explanation: I sat down in front of the Virginia Tech game at Boston College this weekend with minimal expectations. Regardless of Tech's 5-1 record, this is a rebuilding year. I don't know how good Boston College is, but I know Tech has a history of tough games against them, especially in Chestnut Hill.

I've spent many years watching my Hokies play, and I am generally pretty emotionally vested in their games... but not this year. On Boston College's first passing play of the game, Tech intercepted the ball and ran it back for a touchdown. Then B.C. fumbled the ensuing kickoff return. With 13:00 to go in the first quarter, the Tech offense took the field for the first time on the B.C. 30 yard line with a 7-0 lead. In past seasons, I would have been jumping up and down and cheering and laughing and loving life. This season, however, I just sat there on the couch, knowing that this game was far from over. The inept Tech offense took the field, went three and out, and settled for a field goal to make the score 10-0.

As the game went on, the pain continued. Tech has no passing game. The passing highlight of the day was a bomb to a wide open freshman receiver (they're all freshmen) that went through his hands and bounced off his face. The running game was nonexistant. Our best play is where Tyrod Taylor drops back to pass and then scrambles because none of the receivers is open. Our second best play is where Taylor drops back and then throws a bullet to a place where there isn't a receiver. Sure, it doesn't gain any yardage, but it doesn't lose any either.

B.C., meanwhile, continued to show signs of life on offense. They ran back a punt for a touchdown, partially blocked a punt, and had a few big passing plays. Tech, on the other hand, couldn't do anything on offense. The defense scored another touchdown, and generated enough field position for the offense to kick two more field goals. That's right. The defense scored 14 and the offense managed 9. If the special teams managed to score (or avoid giving up a score) Tech might have won.

With the score at 28-23 in Boston College's favor, Tech got the ball back with over a minute left. Was I on the edge of my seat? No. Was I excited? No. I just sat there, quietly curious as to what on earth we could possibly do with the ball. The answer? Run four plays without getting a first down. Game over. Go team!

Also, you might have missed it during ESPN's coverage, but former Boston College quarterback Matt Ryan was in attendance at the game.


I'm not totally sure, but I think ESPN cut to him between every play. Even Jessica Simpson doesn't get this kind of attention when she goes to Cowboys games.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It's college football season!

Explanation: That's right! The college football season is underway. I have reason to watch Sportscenter again! It's time for your Jeremy's Status Message Virginia Tech Football Preview!!!

Virginia Tech Football Preview

Offense: Well, last year's ACC champions lost three wide receivers to the draft, and the fourth receiver graduated. Last year's running game was pretty weak, and the starting tailback was kicked off the team for disciplinary reasons. Oh, and two other tailbacks were injured in the spring and got a slow start this fall. The two-headed monster at quarterback is going with only one head, as Tyrod Taylor will be redshirting. Of course, last year he was going to redshirt also until the LSU game, three games into the season. So, the team has no proven weapons. The offensive line, however, should be much better this year, so that's something. Grade: C

Defense: The heart and soul of the defense last year, Xavier Adibi, Vince Hall, and Brandon Flowers, were all drafted, along with two defensive linemen. The defense was pretty deep, though, and should reload again this year, with cornerback Victor "Macho" Harris being the feature player on this side of the ball. Grade: B+

Special Teams: Frankly, I don't care if they send the band out on the field - Frank Beamer always gets and A on special teams. I don't know who's kicking or punting or returning kicks or anything. Doesn't matter. Grade: A

Intangibles: Virginia Tech has spectacular intangibles. You can't quite see them, and they're just out of your grasp, but they are there and they are incredible. You can't find better intangibles if you try. If you could measure the speed of the Virginia Tech intangibles, they'd be really fast. If you could measure the strength of the Virginia Tech intangibles, they'd be really strong. If you could measure the intangibles of the Virginia Tech intangibles, they'd be off the chart. But, you can't, so just trust me on this. They rock. Grade: A+

Language Arts: Jeremy needs to show improvement in his comprehension of poetry, and tends to lose focus while writing long blog entries. Grade: B

Mascot: Our mascot is a giant turkey who does the bench press in the end zone after touchdowns. Who else can say that? Grade: A+

Final Prediction: The team will win more games than they lose, they will cause me more stress than I need, and they will have less players arrested than LSU. Oh, and they'll go to a bowl game for the 16th season in a row.

Status of the Famous: Samuel F. B. Morse

Ever wonder what a famous person would have as their instant messaging status at work? Well now you'll know! Jeremy's Status Message proudly presents, Status Messages of the Famous:

-.. --- - -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. --- - -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... / -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. --- - -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... ....

Famous Person: Samuel F. B. Morse

Explanation: Morse's status is the text "Dotdotdot dotdash dashdash dotdot dotdash dashdash" in Morse code. Get it? The Morse code translates to Morse code! After a second translation, Morse's status is "Sam I am."

While searching United States Patents, I came across Mr. Morse's Patents Number 1,647 and Number 6,420. Fun stuff.

By the way, I used this site to generate the Morse code above. I should also mention that the Morse estate in Poughkeepsie, NY, is a good place to eat Chinese food with your coworkers.

The Last I'll Care About Baseball This Year: The Yankees eeked out an 11-0 win over Virginia Tech yesterday. Say what you want about George Steinbrenner's legacy - I'll forever be grateful that he set this in motion.

LEGO Creation of the Day: This scene has it all: a castle invasion, pouring lava, a crocodile in a tarpit. Fun for the whole family!

Yeah, That's Right, You Blouse-Wearing Poodle Walker

Bonjourrrrrrr, you cheese eating surrender monkeys!

Source: From The Simpsons episode Round Springfield, where budget cuts at Springfield Elementary School forced Groundskeeper Willie to teach a French class.

Explanation: Today's message is a long-distance dedication from Steve in Poughkeepsie to his favorite person from Surrenderville, Europe.

Special Blog Bonus: I am always amused by the selection of ads that appear on my blog, but today's was really worth mentioning. Apparently, my site is an ideal place to advertise for shoes that increase your height.* OK, I'll admit it. I've been "lifting". I wear them to boost myself up to 6'8".

Here's a Far Side to help you forget about your altitude deficiency:


Important Scheduling Note: At 3pm today, the New York Yankees play at Virginia Tech. You can see the game live here.

*For those of you keeping track at home, my advertisers think you are a short single Christian who likes Napoleon Dynamite.

The Twelve Days of Christmas: Day 11

Jeremy's Status Message Proudly Presents The Twelve Days of Christmas:

On the eleventh day of Christmas my Hokies gave to me... a loss.

That was my actual status message on Sametime. For completeness, here's the rest:

Eleven special teams players, none of whom accounted for the Kansas player who ran up the middle untouched to block a short field goal attempt. The final score differential? Three points.

Ten senior starters who just played their last college game and went out with a whimper.

Number nine, linebacker Vince Hall, who is one of the best defensive players on the team, about whom I read the following yesterday:

FT. LAUDERDALE, Fla. -- Virginia Tech starting senior linebacker Vince Hall is questionable for Thursday's FedEx Orange Bowl against Kansas with a bruised left knee he injured Sunday at the team beach party.

Eight months until Tech plays another meaningful game. That means eight months of moping about this loss.

A seven point gift of an interception return for a touchdown thrown by our quarterback of the future for the game's first score. Good thing he's the quarterback of the future, because I don't think I can take the present anymore.

Six Buffalo wings. OK, so the Hokies did not give them to me, but they were the highlight of my evening, so I figured I should mention them.

Five sacks allowed.

A fourth and ten conversion when Tech opted to bring their cover guys in from the gunners to rush the punter... and then the Kansas up-man threw the ball to an uncovered gunner for a 22 yard gain. Through some fluke, this drive contained a 1st and goal from the Virginia Tech 1-yard-line, followed shortly by a 2nd and goal from the Virginia Tech 29-yard-line, followed by a Tech interception, keeping Kansas from scoring. This lessened the pain a bit after the aforementioned missed field goal... but only a bit.

Three turnovers, resulting in 17 Kansas points.

Two quarterbacks. We had two quarterbacks this season along with the best receiving corps our school has ever trotted out on the field. The result? Nothing special. Who'd have thought I'd be longing for the days of Bryan Randall?

And one good thing: At least we're not Notre Dame.

Explanation: OK, so technically they gave me all of this stuff last night on the tenth day of Christmas, but the eleventh day was the first day I could post about it, so that's why it's here.

Answers to Yesterday's Cryptic Crossword Clues:

10) Bounding angle pi confused clearing (7): LEAPING
Bounding is a synonym for leaping. "ANGLE PI" confused, or mixed-up is "LEAPING". Clearing is also a synonym for leaping.

9) Women's mixed-up ideals (6): LADIES
Women's is a synonym for ladies' and "IDEALS" mixed-up is "LADIES"

8) In the beginning man ate insects, dinosaurs, sometimes the help (5): MAIDS
In the beginning of "Man Ate Insects, Dinosaurs, Sometimes" is M-A-I-D-S. "The help" are maids.

7) She was a nun's sister initially (5): SWANS
"She Was A Nun's Sister" initially is S.W.A.N.S.

6) Placing some of replay in green (6): LAYING
"Placing" is another word for "LAYING". Some of "repLAY IN Green" is "LAYING".

5) blonde returned part of reasoned logic (6): GOLDEN
"Blonde" is another word for "GOLDEN". Part of "reasoNED LOGic" returned is "GOLDEN".

4) Art or craft racket (7): CALLING
Art, craft, and racket are all synonyms for CALLING.

3) We would be yes to the ear, cheese eaters (6): FRENCH
To the ear, "We" and "Oui" are the same. And it would mean yes in FRENCH. "Cheese-eaters" is a dirty clue, but if you know me at all, you know that I like to call the FRENCH "Cheese-eating surrender monkeys."

2) Peacemakers do vestment introduction (5): DOVES
Another word for "peacemakers" is "DOVES". The introduction of "DO VEStment" is "DOVES".

1) We hear twins appear topless (4): PEAR
Twins would be a "pair" which we hear as "pear". "APPEAR" without it's top is "PEAR".

Bonus Clues That Didn't Make the Cut:

10) Creators marry ladies (5): LORDS
"Creators" are lords, and lords "marry ladies"

9) Rather croon it sounds like waltzing (7): DANCING
"Rather croon" is another way to say, "Dan sing" which sounds like "dancing". Waltzing is a synonym for dancing

8) Bleeding breed seen in a ruling dynasty (7): MILKING
"Bleeding" is another word for "milking." Another word for breed is "Ilk". A ruling dynasty is "Ming". "ILK" in "MING" is "MILKING"

7) Stroking oddly sows IBM's main nags bathing (8): SWIMMING
"Stroking" is another word for "SWIMMING". "SoWs IbMs MaIn NaGs" oddly is "SWIMMING". Bathing is another word for swimming.

5) Beheaded cellos worn by Elrond and Galadriel (5): RINGS
Cellos are "strings" and if you "behead" of "STRINGS", you get "RINGS". RINGS were "Worn by Elrond and Galadriel" in Lord of the Rings.

1) Danny or Shirley even spray rotors in degree (9): PARTRIDGE
Danny and Shirley were PARTRIDGEs in the "Partridge Family". The even letters in "sPrAy RoToRs In DeGrEe" spell "PARTRIDGE".

1) Astronaut reentry conceals ash or Aspen shades (4): TREE
"astronauT REEntry" conceals "TREE". Ash and aspen are types of tree, and trees shade.

Orange Bowl, Here We Come!

From the archives:

"After notching their 100th blocked punt, they tried to give Frank Beamer the game ball, but someone got a piece of it."

Explanation: I just made this up. I think Virginia Tech notched the 100th blocked punt or blocked kick of the Beamer era, so I posted this as my status. Anyway, it seemed appropriate today, seeing as the ACC Champion Virginia Tech Hokies blocked two kicks in yesterday's game, including an extra point that was run back for a two-point conversion. The announcer said, "You don't see that very often!" To the contrary, if you're a Virginia Tech fan, you actually do see it more than most.

Also, as a result of #1 Missouri and #2 West Virginia both losing yesterday, it appears that every team in America now has a legitimate shot at playing in the BCS Championship game. I was most amused when one of the talking heads claimed that USC had a good chance of playing in the game. USC was ranked #8 in the BCS standings last week and defeated unranked UCLA at home. Meanwhile, two of the teams ahead of them won conference championships this weekend on neutral fields against top-15 teams while the 3 teams ahead of those two teams were idle. How exactly does that qualify USC for anything?