Without a permit...

Dear fun neighbor parent who owns this child's size driveable vehicle,

Now that it's spring, and we're all making our way out of our caves and waving at each other again, I have something I need to talk to you about.


You have, really, given your child the ultimate "fun gift" and my child/ren are desperately wishing you were their parent, instead of me. How great for you. There are hours of fun to be had, speeding up and down the court in this pint-size jeep. And you are so generous in teaching your child to share this gift with my child.


Please don't.


Really. I'm serious.


While my child will gaze longingly at the jeep, I beg of you. Ignore him/her. Here are my reasons:


My blood pressure goes seriously through the roof as I watch our children "share" your toy. My child is bigger than your child and has ways of making him "share" that don't really do justice to the idea of My Turn/Your turn.


I also dislike, immensely, following the jeep around the court, because my child is a maniac (without a driver's license FOR A REASON) and enjoys running over people's flowers and lawn ornaments and into real cars (parked, of course) all the time.


I also enjoy having NON-bruised shins and UN-smashed toes. These are things that fall by the wayside as I, gritting my teeth, follow my irresponsible driver around the court, trying to protect expensive or living things from their driving path. They invariably get the reverse and the drive buttons confused and come crashing into me. And then I want to yank them off, drive the thing home to you myself and mutter naughty words, as I stalk away.


So while we all admire your fun-ness, and your generosity--Romney kids have no interest in your toys.


You are just imagining their pitiful weeping.


I promise.

Love,

Your neighbor in the yellow house.