Friday, January 16, 2009

Dr. Mutantstein, I Presume?

My eye doctor might be a mutant.

Explanation: I had an appointment with my eye doctor yesterday. I should first say that since I moved to New Jersey, I've only seen her once or twice. As I have a history of "never getting around to" making appointments, I finally was smart this past summer and scheduled one for the fall.

They day of my appointment, unfortunately, I had been selected for jury duty, so I had to reschedule it. The rescheduled appointment had to be rescheduled again because I was selected to be on the jury and that conflicted as well. The court case ran extra long, so I had to reschedule the appointment again. Then, the day before my appointment, I had a medical emergency and decided to cancel it and postpone it indefinitely. This was in October. I finally got back there yesterday. I was absolutely certain Sarah would have the baby yesterday just because I would have to reschedule again. No such luck. Anyway, I last saw my doctor in 2006, so I barely remember what she looks like.

I arrived at my appointment on time. That doesn't seem to matter with modern medicine, as I had to re-submit my paperwork (which has not changed one iota since 2006) and then wait for 20 minutes to be called. The nice nurse lady checked my eyes with contacts and then realized she had mistaken me as a patient of another doctor, so I went back to the waiting room for 10 minutes. Then I was called back, where the same nice nurse lady had me take my contacts out and measured my eyesight again. I could have saved her the trouble - I can't see a thing without my lenses in. She then left me in the exam room to wait for the doctor.

TWENTY minutes later, the doctor walked in. I just have to say that twenty minutes of sitting in an exam room is quite boring. Every doctor seems to have this second-tier of waiting these days. Sitting twenty minutes without being able to see anything is excruciating. Mental note: next time bring my glasses... and an iPod.

The doctor finally came in and was quite pleasant. She checked my vision and talked to me about my eye health and concerns and whatnot. It was actually pleasant enough to make me forget about the 20 minute wait. She then sent me off to the contact room to put my lenses back on so I could be on my way.

Last night, I saw somebody at volleyball who I thought looked quite a bit like my doctor, except for one minor detail: I realized that I had never actually SEEN my doctor because my lenses were out the whole time.

My doctor could literally be a mutant with three eyes, two noses, and a giant arm sticking out of her head and I wouldn't know. She may have even been some sort of ninja turtle - I was blind. What would I know?

"Good afternoon. I'm Dr. Raphael. You may feel a slight poking sensation..."

So there you have it, kids. If you have some sort of horrible deformity that you don't want anyone to ever see, become an eye doctor. Just don't make me wait in that damn room for 20 minutes, OK?

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